HAHAHA REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO POST HERE

To be fair, I don’t have the tubez at my apartment because, for some reason, the National Park Service doesn’t think it’s live-in employees would need something as new age as the internet. What’s a girl to do in retaliation? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

No, instead I’ll sit here in my car, parked outside my office in my pajamas eating goldfish crackers and pretend like this is a totally normal way to get online.

Anyway, I’m back, I’m queer, and I don’t want any more bears. Well, I’m back anyway. And I’m resuming the fervor with which I conceived this whole challenge in the first place; I may have fallen off the wagon temporarily, but hey, I’m only human (inasmuch as a soulless body can be considered a human).

To recap, here are the books I read for February’s challenge:

• In a Sunburned Country (kind of)
• Catching Fire
• Babbitt

And here’s the skill I’ll be learning for March:

Official rules to follow, probably (hopefully) (maybe) sometime this weekend.

Let’s March.

It’s March! Time for a new challenge. And this one will be better because we are gonna blog more, and also reading is boring. Our new challenge is to learn a new skill and practice it every day.

Alicia is going to learn to juggle some balls (because she is a tramp). She should probably work up to dog juggling, it’s all the rage on the internet.

I’m going to learn some songs on the harmonica, including but not limited to Hot Crossed Buns, When the Saints go Marching In, and Twinkle Twinkly Little Star. Maybe some day I’ll be a little star. Or a big one!

Help us pick our Marchmellow challenge!

Do a little clicky-click below to see which ideas Assface and I are considering for her birthday month, then vote on one. Alternately, you could suggest something better/funnier/more naked, and we will take it under advisement.

VOTE FOR SMARCH’S CHALLENGE

Tucker Max: Out

I finished I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. You may say to yourself “why did it take her so long to finish a single book?”and to that I say two things:

1. Fuck off

2. When you have the amazing ability to fall asleep in literally any situation the second you lay your head on whatever is near you (pillows, carpet, rocks, air, etc), it makes reading hard. READING IS HARD!

A real-life Tucker Max situation

At 2 am, drunk, while getting burgers for the walk home, Marisa, Alicia, and I encountered two reasonably attractive, british-accented gentlemen, also drunk and walking home. They started walking with us under the guise that they didn’t know how to get back to Wallingford, despite our drunken attempts to ditch them (“no, no, you need to go that way, we’re going this way.”) As soon as I realized their accents were fake I became the I’m-having-none-of-this, cock-blocking bitch. Marisa was talking to one of them for a while (“oh cool, you’re in a band?”) and Alicia and the other one had separated themselves to talk about rugby and other things proving he was british. Soon, Marisa caught on to the bullshit and it became clear that these guys thought we were just stupid drunk girls who fell for their fake accents, but didn’t understand that they were trying to come home with us. Oh, we got it alright, we just didn’t want you to come home with us. Then British #1 says in his fake accent “your mate’s lips is on me mate’s lips.” Nice work, Alicia. Then we ditched them.

Tucker Max may have thought I was cock-blocking-bitch friend, but we ladies aren’t just walking cum-dumpsters, and no one actually wanted either of those fake british cocks. More importantly, I realized I can relate even Tucker Max books to real life. So….reading is great?

I put on makeup today because I was so bored

That’s the kind of day it’s been. I’ve officially done like, two productive things all day. Now I’m going to read until I fall asleep. Hopefully it equals an hour or so because instead of reading yesterday or today, I did things like watch The Simpsons and eat chocolate-covered pretzels.

On an unrelated note, I’ve been downloading audiobooks to listen to on my upcoming epic roadtrip. So far I have some Bill Bryson, Mary Roach, Terry Pratchett, and Jared Diamond – any other suggestions? I’m not even entirely sure I’m an audiobook kind of person, all I know is that it’s going to be pretty embarrassing if all I listen to is Garth Brooks my whole trip. And by embarrassing, I mean AWESOME!!!!!!!!

I am in a book club like a real grown up

December’s read was Let the Great World Spin. Biggest takeaway from that book? Philippe Petit puts the “fun” in “funambulist.”

For January, I was SUPPOSED to read Babbitt by Sinclair Lewis, but instead I only read like, maybe half the book. Maybe. Therefore, I will take advantage of this month’s challenge to finish reading my book like a big girl. When I’m done, it’ll probably be succeeded by one of the dozens of ebooks I own even though I have books from friends that I should probably read before I leave for Tennessee for 12 weeks.

Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

Month one: a reflection

Well Amy, I don’t know about you, but on a scale from WE ARE TOTALLY LAME to GARTH BROOKS COOL, I’ve give us a 7.

Here are some stats of teh blag so far, plus I’ll be throwing some new pages up in the next few days because I have no life.

Total photos posted

• Alicia: 25/31
• Amy: 24/31

Total author views

• Alicia: 145
• Amy: 186

Total hits for January

• 697

Top-viewed post

• Montana is cold.
  

I hope so too, Tucker. I hope so too.

It’s funny that this challenge/blog is supposed to lead to betterment, because I’m currently reading I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, by Tucker Max. In his own words, this is what the book is all about:

“My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world.”

So, clearly, this book is going to make me a better person. Thanks Smellogg for getting me this book for Christmas!

Our next challenge, for serious

Febrewary’s challenge is READING!

THE RULES

1. Read, on average, 30 minutes every day.
2. Books and newspapers (online or IRL) only
3. Maintain progress of the reading thing on blag.